Always avoid the acute angle

Most of us are such know-alls that we love to argue and drive our point home. While we are perfectly aware that it hurts so much to be contradicted and dismissed, we continue to embroil ourselves in arguments day in day out perhaps in the hope of savouring the (malicious) happiness of contradicting another person.

Generally, we have to remember, more often than not, what hurts us hurts others too. Or what we find unpleasant or painful is nearly so to others too most of the time. What I mean is if being defeated in an argument hurts us, it`s no less painful to others when they are at the loser`s end.

As a manager, it`s important for you to learn to use your debating skills sparingly, if at all. Putting your foot down and keep asserting yourself all the time won`t win you many friends. In fact, it will make people regard you as an arrogant, self-opinionated asshole. Riding roughshod over others` emotions is as dangerous in your organization as it is at your home.

If you find yourself being dragged into a heated argument, try to extricate yourself from that situation. You need to learn that, as far as an argument is concerned, to yield is the next best strategy where avoidance doesn`t work.

I don`t advise you to remain tight-lipped where you know that you`re right. But if the other person keeps contradicting you in an argumentative spirit and you are tempted to counter him, you must be able to foresee the end of it, that is one of you is going to have to eat the crow, or to taste the bitter fruit of defeat. So just give in and avoid the confrontation.

Remember pride is the never failing vice of fools and that you can never win an argument. I say so because, if you lose the argument, you resent the other`s victory over you; if he or she loses it, they are going to resent yours too.

You are really stupid if you fail to realize that arguments can wreck interpersonal relationships. If you want to argue yourself to professional failure, the recipe is to get into as many arguments as possible with your superiors, peers as well as your subordinates. Got my point?

The Art of Diplomacy

Have you heard about Dale Carnegie, the illustrious philosopher who authored the best-seller How to Win Friends and Influence People? In this enlightening book, there are two words he repeatedly stresses. Guess what? Yep, it`s tact and diplomacy. Yes, you`re perfectly right to think they mean the same.

For managers and for would-be managers, the single most important piece of advice I would like to give is ' learn, practise and master the art of tact'. If you are diplomatic, as a manager, it will be pretty easy for you to convince people.

Basically, every one of us wants to feel important. If anyone slights us or makes us feel less important than we are, we inherently tend to dislike that person. What a tactful person does is to make others feel important in every possible way. I`ll explain how this can happen in the next post.